I am writing this article to preserve for posterity and to show my gratitude to Tim "I'll Be There" Heidecker for expressing and spreading his love of our lord Hermun Cain.
Tom Tim has recorded a surely soon to be grammy/nobel peace prize nominated album Cainthology songs in the key of Cain. (The proceeds go to violence intervention program so make sure to buy it!
|All Aboard Cain Train 9-9-9!|
Besides recording this glorious album that is a testiment to our lord, and is the driving force that will single-handedly get Hermun elected (along with praying)
Recently a group of devout cain followers met up after a livestream broadcast to have a chat about our lord while watching some of his inspiring educational videos.
Here are some quotes from that discussion.
Jesus: i eat 3 pounds of dust daily
Senior_Official: My dog makes dust.
bobby2hotty: The one thing I know for sure about rich people is that they love helping out unemployed people. Oh wait..
jimmydean69: This is like one of those educational field trip videos on sesame street
Jesus: bottom line: this country runs on dust
Senior_Official: I we keep watching, maybe they'll show us how tires are made.
jimmydean69: I want to go to the meat factory
Co_Cain: Lung Cainser.
Jesus: crayon factory
jimmydean69: Where's my Hermun?
ralph_lamao: WITH LIBERTY AND DUST IS FOR ALL
bobby2hotty: my lord!
jimmydean69: Theres my hermun
Co_Cain: cain train baby!
Senior_Official: "I want a song that sounds like Fake Plastic Trees...but less fruity."
HankSedan: Herman Cain beat cancer...with Godfather's Pizza
Jesus: doesnt check his memos i see
Senior_Official: He just cured that woman of her cancer too, with only a kiss.
Jesus: not the kind of president i want
enior_Official: She had skin cancer on her cheek. But when a patient has breast or ovarian cancer, Cain needs to kiss there too.
jimmydean69: colon cancer
HankSedan: Hermun, learn to transition between cliches
HankSedan: Herman Cain, Pizza Farmer
jimmydean69: I put the stream on mute and am watching it with this playing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV0wPBYDQ6Y
Jesus: quite dramatic
Senior_Official: I want to see how he farms the Pizza. Hermun, SHOW US HOW YOU FARM THE PIZZA.
jimmydean69: PIzza Seeds
Senior_Official: Of course!
jimmydean69: I need to buy some of those, start a garden shrine to the lord
Senior_Official: We're Raisin Cane. Abso-lutely.
HankSedan: is he endorsing seperate but equal?
Co_Cain: seperate but splenda actually
Co_Cain: because it's made with sugar CAIN
Senior_Official: Herman Cain: I'm a pizza famer first. A cowboy second and a monster figher third. So that's PFCMF.
jimmydean69: HERE COMES THE CHOO CHOO
w1234: CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA
HankSedan: nothing says economic recession like a dilapidated piano
Senior_Official: Hermun Qualve and Robocop 2012.
Jesus: messed up and junk
jimmydean69: synth is the way of the future anyway
Co_Cain: 999 is great until someone comes up with the 1000 plan
jimmydean69: This is what happens to a neighborhood when a new godfathers pizza comes in
Senior_Official: It's a synth piano noodling old fashioned saloon music. Best of both worlds.
Senior_Official: AMEN Lord Cain.
Senior_Official: If no one regulated the buffalo, how do you know how many were there?
jimmydean69: 300% angus burgers for godfathers
jimmydean69: dogs bad pizza good
GoGaryGo: cain is such a jokester
GoGaryGo: let hermun be hermun
jimmydean69: Twin dick sillouette
GoGaryGo: Indiana Jones hat
Senior_Official: Sigmund Freud directed this ad.
w1234: Obama is the orange sherbert of reagan
GoGaryGo: clinton is the pistachio reagan
jimmydean69: House of cain
w1234: add some chocolate sprinkles, you get cain train
jimmydean69: Cain put his banana in the split.
jimmydean69: allegedly of course
GoGaryGo: rockin' the double breasted suit
jimmydean69: Original Cowboy, riding into freedom town
w1234: herman cain invented country music
Senior_Official: Hermun Cain and Free Crazy Bread 2012.
jimmydean69: Is there anything else on? Hermus talking in loops again
jimmydean69: I figured hermain cain would be a blue tooth guy
jimmydean69: he needs a new communications expert
Senior_Official: You know, it's only after you've watched this loop of ads about a hundred times that you truly understand The White Water.
jimmydean69: colored, white, who cares, I like original water
jimmydean69: the same great taste of water our grand papas had
Senior_Official: Yeah, both waters taste like Carolina well water.
default: He died on the cross so many years ago
default: but now he's come back to stay.
Senior_Official: You know what's gonna happen, they're gonna crucify him again.
default: Eventhough what he believes in is right for our country!
jimmydean69: ITS A CAIN MUTINY
default: He's walkin around in his blue suede shoes!
jimmydean69: The ron pauls of teh world need to pay attention when Hermun talks
Co_Cain: no capital gains...only capital CAINS
Senior_Official: Cain's gonna round up the poor and relocate them to "opportunity zones."
jimmydean69: Ohh I caint wait for the lords day on the 25th, we can have candy caines
Senior_Official: We're gonna put you on the Cain Train and send you to an Opportunity Zone.
jimmydean69: Sorry this is strictly a tunity zone, if you'd like both tunity and oppor you better head somewhere else
Senior_Official: Hermun Cane - He will make Tunity and Destroy the Dust.
jimmydean69: We will defeat the dust with white water. All men deserve mud.
Senior_Official: I think I need to grow a Cain Block mustache.
Senior_Official: I'm glad to see Cain taking back the mustache from those liberal 70's porn stars.
jimmydean69: >>Now watching with Eye of the Tiger playing
jimmydean69: Nothing shows how hip our lord is more than clips of him upside down
Senior_Official: "I oppose liberal politics, those fat cats in Washington and those pricks at Pizza Hut."
jimmydean69: Dominineos, and peppep john better watch out. The caine train is commin through
jimmydean69: also, am I the only one that thinks this whole thing is made better by the constant thumbnail image of hermun in the left upright corner
Senior_Official: Doesn't "raising cain" mean "summoning up the same spirit as the bible's first murderer?"
Senior_Official: No sir. That's beaming tiny Cain (with teeth photoshopped to a laserlike white) is so reassuring. Our lord watches over us, always.
Senior_Official: Tiny Cain 2012.
jimmydean69: I think I want to print out a sticker of that cain pic and put it on a pair of sunglasses on the inside. So my life is liek these videos
Senior_Official: Tiny Cain Sunglasses. Genius. Much better than a campain button. We need to put Lord Cain CLOSER TO THEIR FACES.
jimmydean69: I want herman caine underpants
Senior_Official: Obama is so aloof. He's the candidate that can only be seen from a distance. But Lord Cain is watching you a quarter inch from your face.
Please leave a comment if you love the lord Hermun cain and wish him great success.
Now enjoy some of these fine songs and videos, but make sure to also PURCHASE THE ALBUM.